I have felt your presence deeply over the past few months, as if you were woven into my very bones. Your flames have both warmed my skin and soul, while at other moments, they have seared with the fierce intensity of death and transformation.
It was as though you were teaching me to become an alchemist, guiding me through the process of molding and transforming my copper past into a new and uncharted metal, its origins and shape yet to be discovered.
When people asked me, “How are you?” or “How are you feeling?” over these months, I found myself responding, “Like a phoenix rising from its ashes.”
Since returning from my travels, it felt as though you were turning everything to ash—my identity, my beliefs, how others saw me, what I thought I knew: my job, my car, past friendships. I remember saying I had nothing left: no job, no partner, no money, very few who understood me…everything was at zero.
It seemed as though you were whispering to me, in your own unique way, “I will take everything from you so you can ask yourself, ‘Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to become?’ Without limitations, obligations, or burdens.”
Your presence grew stronger, constantly changing faces—from a creative, fiery flair to childlike enthusiasm, from fiercely feminine passion to strong-headed stubbornness. My eyes were spitting fire; my soul and heart—everything within me—was held by your flames.
Yet, I could never have anticipated the physical fire—one not from within, but one capable of manifesting and truly burning everything down. This fire made all it touched reek of death and rebirth, taking away what no longer belonged to make space for the new.
It reminded me of what is truly important, pushing me to re-evaluate what I once thought necessary for happiness. When the mourning of what once was ended, it began to feel like true freedom—the freedom that comes when there is nothing left to lose. The kind that humbles you.
Humbled—that is the word. If I were to describe my journey over the past year, it would be a journey of remembering who I truly am through humility, letting go, and surrendering.
It has been a journey toward mastering the art of being.
One cannot achieve this art by being full—full of thoughts, people who no longer see or hear them, or material clutter. To truly experience being, one must be empty.
It seems I have been preparing for this journey, one of emptying and releasing so that I can simply be.
With each piece of clothing and accessory consumed by the flames, the memories connected to them were alchemized, along with the woman I used to be while wearing them. Every layer and identity that was once part of me was released and transformed.
May the ashes from each of these transformations become powerful, wise fertiliser for the new seeds I am now planting in my life. May they nourish the woman I am birthing into this reality, allowing her to blossom fully and share her fragrance, light, love, and beauty with the world through humility.
Thank you, Fire, for the medicine and wisdom you have shared with me. Thank you to the spirits, angels, and guides for keeping me safe. And thank you to all the souls who lovingly supported me through this journey.
I am grateful to be alive, to breathe another breath, to look into the eyes of those I love and express what they mean to me. I am grateful to take another step toward my heart’s and soul’s calling, to share another smile and twinkle with the world, to gaze at the stars and the moon, to smell the flowers, to hear the birds sing, to feel the sun on my skin, to listen to the wisdom of the Wind, to journey with the spirits of the Water, to dance with the goddess of the Fire, and to rest in the loving arms of Mother Earth.
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